I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We have started to decorate penises.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
