I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
