she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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