You really coming over, don't trick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
not ubering you a puppy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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