Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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