its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
