it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
