her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
