There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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