She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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