Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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