I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That was before I lit my hair on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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