i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
