The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
