he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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