Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
