new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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