I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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