I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
