Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
