Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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