and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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