You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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