i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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