Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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