is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
