the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
