I can't breathe out the right side of my face
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
