everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
