I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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