Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
