he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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