have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
