Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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