Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
