You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
