dude i'm inner monologue high
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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