I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
