every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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