I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
