I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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