Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
