My room smells like vodka and shame
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
