Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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