quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
