i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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