how can u be prego again
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
