It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
