Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
