even my farts smell like vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
